Adjusting to Loss by Rev. Christine Emmerling DD, 10/27/2024

Today I’m speaking about loss, adjusting to loss. We all have losses in our lives. Some greater than others. It can be as simple as misplacing and losing something that had special value to us. It can be when the elections don’t go our way. It can be the end of a job, a lifelong career as when a person retires. It can be the loss of a home, as many have done through fires, storms and flooding or from eviction no longer affording the payments. The loss can be a breakup of a friendship, marriage or partnership. Sometimes the loss is even greater when a family member, a loved one or friend makes their transition.

Recently we had a dear friend and loved one, who was also our Assistant minister, Rev. Mark Stuefloten, that made his transition. This is a great loss to Community of Infinite Spirit and all who knew him. His leaving left a big whole in our lives.

How do we adjust to this new life of ours? It’s not always easy when its someone close to us. Our feelings can be all over the place. It’s so easy to blame ourselves or others, and to have anger for their leaving. We may have unresolved personal issues with them. We may want to only remember the best of them, and put aside all their faults to have them up on some high unrealistic pedestal. And of course we’re also filled with sorrow and grieving for our loss regardless of all the complex emotions.

How do we deal with all these complex feelings? First we are reminded that there is nothing lost in spirit. All is spirit, and nothing can be truly lost. Even if we can’t see, touch, or feel them, we know their life, their consciousness, their light as spirit still exists. Life is eternal.

If we have unresolved issues, we can still talk to them in spirit. We can forgive and be forgiven. But, it is most important for our soul to forgive the past. The word “forgive” really means to give love. Christ Jesus said to forgive your enemies. There was a tradition back in his day to give gifts to your enemies or have them over for dinner. This tradition may sound strange to us, but its about reaching out and really recognizing the truth of them.

The most important is to be able to release these harbored ill feelings, and are many times misdirected. We often distort what happened, so its also about forgiving our own self. When we forgive all participants, it is an act of love for all concerned and mostly for our self.

I recall prior to my mother’s passing, she was in the last couple of months of her life from a terminal illness. She was wanting to clean things up with loved ones before her passing so that she didn’t take it with her.

This one afternoon we were alone in the kitchen, when out of the blue, she told me how sorry she was for all her poor choices made throughout the years, and in how they affected me. And how very immature she was. My immediate response was “Who hasn’t made poor choices, certainly I have” and we hugged each other. So much was healed in that moment. Once in a while old stuff pops up, and I remind myself to release and send love.

Yes, we can send our prayers, our love and light to those across the veil. Love transcends time, space and dimensions, and instantly reaches out. Because we are all truly of God and of One consciousness there is no space and time. We are truly connected always by our love. In some religious traditions people send their prayers for a year to their dearly departed to assist in their transition.

In our New Thought traditions we have what we call a “Celebration of Life.” In these celebrations we have pictures of their life. We tell stories, and remember the best and not so best of them. We laugh, cry and we eat. It gives us an opportunity to gather and share together our love for them and each other, and say, “Until we meet again.” We know our lives continue on past this life experience.

For a loss that was very close to us or we were their primary care giver, our life has completely changed, leaving a sense of emptiness. We learn to fill it by redirecting our attention towards loved ones, friends and old or new activities to help fill the space and rebuild our lives.

It is most important to keep our relationship with God during these times, and allow this experience to build an even closer bond. To see the miracles of each day and count our blessings for what we do have. To see how special life really is, even in this transitory world we participate and live in.

Are we ever truly alone? Never! Even if we don’t see all the love around us, it is there. It may be a soul that just left this plane of existence, other souls, divine beings, angels to help us in our time of need.

I’ve been blessed to have souls reach out to me from the other side. My mother visited me several times, and before that my sister, son, and my high school girlfriend. I’ve also visited the other side in my dream states. Years ago, occasionally following my son’s passing I was able to see and hug him. That helped me through my loss.

No one ever said that adjusting to a loss of a loved one is easy. I’ve certainly have had my share, and I can say that my beliefs, my conviction in eternal life has helped me to heal and I believe so much faster.

We do live on, and not as before, but with a greater knowing of the great beyond to life. We learn to live and appreciate life even more fully. We pay more attention to the here and now, living in the present moment. For we know that is all we really have here together. Life here is precious, but there is also so much more than we can ever really understand while being on this side of the veil. Someday they say the veil comes down, and when it does we all join together having heaven on earth.

This coming week is celebrated Halloween, which is the eve of All Saints Day, and followed by All Soul’s Day. All Soul’s Day gives us an opportunity to honor in memory loved ones that have passed on. In some traditions people light candles, pray for them and share memories. Next Sunday, Nov. 3rd, we’re having a special service to honor our ancestors.

Today’s talk has been on the serious side of life. Yet, loss is something that we all experience sometime in life. In just 9 days we have the general elections. Emotions can be very high as people take it personal to have their candidate or measure win. There will be those disappointed while others are celebrating. I like to keep in mind, even if what I voted for doesn’t work out, it is because a greater good that is beyond my understanding is unfolding.

Another kind of loss is when someone close to us betrays our trust or takes something important away from us. I’ve had this too in my course of life. Forgiveness is the healing tool. If we allow this pain of betrayal to eat away at us, it will do more harm to us than our anger will ever do to the other person.

Compassion is a key that unlocks forgiveness. Understanding the person involved was acting out from their own pain, jealousy or sense of inadequacy. And now we can add the pain of guilt and shame. Do I really want that pain for them? Knowing we’re connected in Spirit I want the best for them. As in the Golden Rule, to do to others as you would want them to do to you. Knowing If they were truly in their right mind, non of this would have taken place.

In this one instance of being betrayed, it took about a year for me to completely heal and forgive. I recall, feeling the pain in my chest - it felt heavy and like a lump. I just wanted to be free. I would tell myself that I’m better than this, I know better, but it was a process I had to work at.

I remember praying with all my heart for this to be released from me. Then when I was at the 1994 International New Thought Alliance congress in San Antonio Texas, while sitting in silence praying, music began playing. The music was so angelic that it transcended me. I had a vision of a huge angel that wrapped its wings around us while we embraced. By the end of the song I was healed and freed to love. The next time we saw each other, we talked, apologized and embraced.