Giving Up the Belief in Judging by Rev. Teresa Stuefloten, M.Div. 2/22/2026

This talk is the 2nd in our Lenten Series. Lent is about giving up something that hinders our spiritual unfoldment, our spiritual development. Giving up sounds hard to me, like doing something we don’t want to do. I like the term “releasing,” as it implies releasing what no longer serves my highest good. Releasing sounds easy breezy to me, like taking a breath and letting it out. In fact, try that with me right now. Take in a breath, and just release it, letting it go. Ahhh… Wasn’t that easy? Giving up, letting go or releasing, you can use whatever term feels more meaningful to you.

Lent began last Wednesday, February 18th, which is known as Ash Wednesday, and concludes on Easter Sunday, which is April 5th in 2026. This year the First Night of Ramadan, celebrated by Muslims, also fell on the same day as Ash Wednesday, so it was an auspicious date.

This week I am talking about releasing judgment. As Muslims are often judged by Christians, it is interesting to note that Lent and Ramadan share some similar practices.

Ramadan is a month, 29 - 30 days, of fasting dawn to dusk, personal reflection, communal prayer, and coming together as a community. Fasting helps the person to identify with the poor who lack adequate food and feel gratitude for their blessings. Personal reflection helps the person go deeper spiritually.

Lent also focuses on fasting, usually from a food or a vice the person really enjoys, and often also from alcohol consumption. 40 days is the usual time period of Lent, helping the person to identify with the sacrifices made by Christ Jesus as he spent time in prayer and meditation, and faced temptations in the desert for 40 days. Spiritual reflection, self-disciple, and atonement for actions or thoughts the person regrets and charitable acts are also part of Christian Lenten practices, helping the person go deeper spiritually. Lenten services bring Christians together as a community for prayer and self-reflection.

The time period is similar for both Lent and Ramadan. Both practices support self-discipline, personal reflection, and turning to God more often in prayer. We can come to a common understanding and mutual respect between Christians and Muslims by appreciating our similarities and our quest as humans to improve our spiritual understanding and growth, becoming more awake spiritually through our similar practices. We are all souls having a temporary human experience in a physical body, Christians and Muslims, Jews and Buddhists, Jains and Hindus, Sikhs, and Bahais, Native Spirituality and more, all alike in our desire to know the Infinite.

Many of our judgments come from our society, the collective consciousness of the society we live in. We have a tendency, as humans, to come into alignment with the values of our society. These are the things our particular society deems right or wrong. We also tend to come into alignment with the values of the religion we practice. This doesn’t mean we do not violate those values at times, but our conscience then causes us to feel guilt for having violated those rules. When our personal values conflict with the values of our society we may then have a conflict.

Societies tend to have an “in-group” and ‘out-groups.” There may then develop prejudice against people who are in the “out-groups." “They” dress differently. “They” look different. “They’ eat different foods. “They” worship God in a different way. “They” are not like us. And then this often results in persecution of those deemed “different.” These are all judgments and they are not conducive to loving one another and cultivating world peace.

When a leader comes along who promises to get rid of those deemed ‘different,” those who have adopted the prejudice toward those who are “different” will often go along with this leader. Those deemed “different” are blamed for all of the ills of that society. People who have adopted the prejudice turn a blind eye to any proof that this is not true. They turn a blind eye to other causes of the ills of their society. They cannot see past their judgments. In their minds this justifies abuses of the so-called “outsiders.”

Christ Jesus said, “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you; good measure shaken down and running over they will pour into your robe. For with the measure that you measure, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:37-38

When we realize that we are judging according to our society’s standards, or the standards of a particular leader, and we see that those standards cause pain and injury to others, it is our responsibility to act in accordance with our own spiritual realization and to speak out against abuses. Silence is complicity.

The media and corporations attempt to influence our values to enhance their profits. Media advertising does a lot to encourage us to judge. A certain physical body is desirable, according to the advertisements. You must be slim, and use makeup and hair coloring to enhance your appearance according to the media standards. Looking like your natural self is bad. You must wear the “right” clothing that is the current fashion. Wearing clothing that is “outdated” is bad. You must look young. Looking old is bad. These are all judgments meant to enhance the profits of the corporations. When we adopt these judgments we put ourselves in the position of having to keep up with these standards. We are now a slave to the judgments we have adopted.

John: 7:24 says, “Do not judge by partiality, but judge a just judgment.”

As part of my own spiritual practice I am trying to bring awareness to my judgments, catching myself when I am judging and substituting a new, more positive thought for the judging thought. Recently I was walking behind a woman who had an ample body toward the studio where I was joining my exercise class. I caught myself thinking negatively about this person’s weight. I substituted the thought that this person is a Divine expression, perfect, whole and complete in God. I silently sent her the thought, “The God in me sees the God in you.” When I got to the chair that a friend had set out for me, I discovered that the woman I had followed was sitting next to me. She was new to the exercise class. I introduced myself to her and welcomed her to the class. I released my judgement and substituted love.

Emmet Fox, a prominent Divine Science minister of the 1930s and 40s said in his book, “The Mental Equivalent,” “Do not dwell on negative things, but replace them, supplant them, with the right, constructive things. The law of mind is that you can only get rid of one thought by substituting another. If a carpenter drives a nail into a wooden wall or beam, there it is. Now if he takes a second nail and drives it against the first, the first is driven out and the second one takes the place of the first one. This is what happens in your mind when you substitute one image for another. For everything in life, there has to be a mental equivalent.” (End of quote.)

During Lent we can make it a practice to bring awareness to our judgements. When you catch yourself judging, ask yourself, “Where did this judgment come from? How else can I think of this? What positive thought can I replace this judgment with?”

Romans 2:1 says, “Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, to judge your neighbor; for in judging your neighbor, you condemn yourself; for even you who judge practice the same things yourself.”

Generally when we are judging something in another person it is something we see in ourselves, but don’t like or don’t accept. We may even refuse to see it in ourself, except at the subconscious level.

Judging the body size, shape and condition of others means we are also judging our own body. I do find myself getting concerned when I realize I have gained a few pounds. But feeling bad about myself for eating those holiday cookies is not supportive of my well-being. Yes, I can become aware of my eating for my health. That is positive to endeavor to eat healthfully. But judging myself only leads to feeling bad about myself, and when I’m feeling bad about myself I might just eat some more cookies to make myself feel better!

There is no positive value to judging ourselves. The more productive attitude is to bring awareness. And this is what our spiritual practice is all about: bringing awareness. This is how we move higher in Self and God realization, by bringing awareness to what we are thinking and doing.

For example, suppose I say to myself that cookies cause me to gain weight, so I am never going to eat a cookie again. I know that I will not stick to this, so I have to ask myself to use my discernment to determine how many cookies I can eat and how often. However, if I know that right now I do not have enough self-control over eating cookies to stop at the number I have decided I can have, then I might say to myself, “For right now I am not going to eat any cookies, but I am going to revisit this later and determine if I can then eat a limited amount of cookies. So I am not giving up cookies forever, but I am using my discernment to set a boundary for myself.

This is the same with our spiritual practice. If I want to develop a more consistent meditation practice, for example, I might set a goal for myself of meditating 5 minutes a day for the first week and keeping track of how much meditation I actually do that week. Then if I have been consistent on the 5 minutes, I may set a goal for the second week of 7 minutes a day of meditation. If I keep going, eventually I will get to the 30 minutes or 60 minutes a day that I am aiming at. If I don’t do the 5 minutes a day the first week, then I keep that goal for the second week. Small changes have been proven to be the most effective at bringing about lasting change. No judgment. It’s just a step at a time.

Complaining is a form of judgment. When we complain about our life and our circumstances we are judging our life negatively and refusing to see the blessings that are present in our life right now. Complaining can become a habit. We all know the person who is always complaining, always seeing the negative in life. But ask yourself honestly if complaining is something you do. Do you see the glass half empty rather than half full? Gratitude is a magnet for good. Gratitude draws blessings into our life. What is in your life right now that you can be grateful for? As the saying goes, “name your blessings, count them one by one,” and you will attract more blessings, overflowing blessings.

Gossiping is another form of judgment. It is easy to get sucked into gossip in a group of people. Perhaps someone in the group has had a negative experience with someone who is not present and rather than keeping it to themselves they tell the story to the whole group. Then someone else may add an experience of their own, “Oh yes, he or she did this to me.” Then another person adds their opinion of this person and the whole conversation turns negative. This is all the ego judging and trying to feel important. It is hurtful to the person being gossiped about, even though they are not present. Their reputation has been tarnished and others who heard may treat this person differently in the future or perhaps not trust the person, just based on gossip. We are all one, all connected, so on some level the person being gossiped about feels the negative vibration. And the negative vibration has just brought everyone in the group down lower.

Luke 6:42 says, “How can you say to your brother, ‘My brother, let me take out the splinter from your eye,' when behold, you do not see the beam in your own eye? O hypocrites, first take out the beam from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the splinter from your brother's eye.”

We are here in the earth realm, temporarily in a physical body to learn and grow. None of us do it perfectly. Give yourself and your fellow beings grace. Release judgment.

Rev. Mark and I used to talk about mistakes we felt we made in our life and how we make the assumption that if we had made a different decision things would have turned out “better.” Number one, our definition of “better” may be false. The experience we had may have been for our higher learning. We learn a lot through challenging times in our life. It may be an experience we were meant to have for our highest good. Secondly, we really don’t know how things would have turned out if we had made a different decision. There may be factors that would have then

manifested that we do not know about. Our assumption that things would have been better if we had made a different decision and gone a different way is, in itself, a judgment. Consider the possibility that things went exactly as they were intended to go, and look for the blessings in the way things are.

The Story of the Chinese Farmer is a classic Taoist story, illustrating the value of equanimity, being able to be in the moment without attachment to a desired outcome. It goes like this:

Long ago, there was a widowed Chinese farmer. The farmer and his only son labored through the cold winds of winter and scorching rays of summer with their last remaining horse. One day, the son didn’t lock the gate of the stable properly, and the horse bolted away.

When neighbors learned what happened, they came to the farmer and said, “What a sadness this is! Without your horse, you’ll be unable to maintain the farm. What a failure that your son did not lock the gate properly! This is a great tragedy!”

The farmer replied, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

The next day, the missing horse returned to the farmer’s stable, bringing along with it six wild horses. The farmer’s son locked the gate of the stable firmly behind all seven horses.

When neighbors learned what happened, they came to the farmer and said, “What happiness this brings! With seven horses, you’ll be able to maintain the farm with three of them and sell the rest for huge profits. What a blessing!”

The farmer replied, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

The next day the farmer’s son was breaking in one of the wild horses. The son got thrown from the horse, fell hard on rocks, and broke his leg.

When neighbors learned what happened, they came to the farmer and said, “What a great sadness this is! Now, you’ll be unable to count on your son’s help. What a failure to break in the horse properly! What a tragedy!”

The farmer replied, “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

The next day, a general from the Imperial Chinese Army arrived to conscript all the young men of the village into the army. Their assignment was to fight on the front lines of a battle against a terrifying enemy of overwhelming force. The farmer’s son, because of his broken leg, was not taken.

When neighbors learned what happened, they came to the farmer and said, “What a great joy! Your son avoided facing certain death on the front lines of the battle. What a blessing!”

The farmer replied, “Maybe yes, maybe no.” (wordonfire.org)

The Story of the Chinese Farmer is a too soon to tell story. The truth is that we really do not know if things are good or bad in the long run. Something that initially appears to be good can turn out to be negative in the end due to unknown factors. Even the terms “good’ and “bad” are judgments. If we can be unattached to outcomes we can be happier in the moment without judgment.

So I challenge you to bring attention to your judgments as a spiritual practice during Lent and beyond. What if you were able to replace every judgment with a positive thought? How would your life change for the better? Do you want to find out? Would you like to live your highest life in this incarnation? You can choose to do it. You have the power.

Christ Jesus said in Matthew 15:11, “It is not what enters into the mouth which defiles a person; but what comes out of the mouth, that is what defiles a person.” Our repeated thoughts become our words and actions. We can choose higher thoughts, words and actions

Rev Christine introduced me to this beautiful poem titled “Judge Softly” written by Mary T. Lathrap in 1895. It is also often called ‘Walk a Mile in His Moccasins.”

“Judge Softly”

“Pray, don’t find fault with the man that limps,

Or stumbles along the road.

Unless you have worn the moccasins he wears,

Or stumbled beneath the same load.

There may be tears in his soles that hurt

Though hidden away from view.

The burden he bears placed on your back

May cause you to stumble and fall, too.

Don’t sneer at the man who is down today

Unless you have felt the same blow

That caused his fall or felt the shame

That only the fallen know.

You may be strong, but still the blows

That were his, unknown to you in the same way,

May cause you to stagger and fall, too.

Don’t be too harsh with the man that sins.

Or pelt him with words, or stone, or disdain.

Unless you are sure you have no sins of your own,

And it’s only wisdom and love that your heart contains.

For you know if the tempter’s voice

Should whisper as soft to you,

As it did to him when he went astray,

It might cause you to falter, too.

Just walk a mile in his moccasins

Before you abuse, criticize and accuse.

If just for one hour, you could find a way

To see through his eyes, instead of your own muse.

I believe you’d be surprised to see

That you’ve been blind and narrow-minded, even unkind.

There are people on reservations and in the ghettos

Who have so little hope, and too much worry on their minds.

Brother, there but for the grace of God go you and I.

Just for a moment, slip into his mind and traditions

And see the world through his spirit and eyes

Before you cast a stone or falsely judge his conditions.

Remember to walk a mile in his moccasins

And remember the lessons of humanity taught to you by your elders.

We will be known forever by the tracks we leave

In other people’s lives, our kindnesses and generosity.

Take the time to walk a mile in his moccasins.”

~ by Mary T. Lathrap, 1895

As I am writing a talk I sometimes come upon the most wonderful websites. Such was the case with writer James Milson’s site, jamesmilson.com . He had the poem “Judge Softly” on his site along with his comments. He quotes Alfred Adler as saying,

“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.” –

My late husband, Rev. Mark, loved the movie “Pollyanna.” He watched it over and over. In the movie, Pollyanna is a “good finder.” She is always looking for the positive in people and situations. She is not a complainer or a gossiper. She sees the best in life. She delights in the simple things in life, like the rainbow a prism casts on a wall when the sunlight hits it. She turns grumpy people into gleeful people! This is what Rev. Mark tried to do all of his life. He lifted up so many people by seeing the good in them. No matter what they had done in their life, Rev Mark believed in them and their inherent goodness.

James Milson says, “As we go thru life together, be a “Good Finder”, actively looking for and seeking out the best qualities in others, and not a “Fault Finder.” If we search for the divine spark embedded within each of us and in every creation, we are much more likely to find the perfection inside and not be misled by the outward appearance of the host container… A smile or small gesture of kindness can turn someone’s day or whole life around. Will you help to make a difference in another’s life today?”

Release judgment and lift your fellow beings in love and joy!

And so, it is!