The Gift of Grace by Rev Teresa Stuefloten, M. Div. 10/12/2025

Today I am speaking about the gift of grace. The grace of God is a term familiar to most Christians. The Cambridge Dictionary defines grace as: “approval or kindness, especially (in the Christian religion) that is freely given by God to all humans.” (dictionary.cambridge.org)

Another dictionary definition of grace is, “the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.” And “the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.” (dictionary.com)

From the Christian Bible, Ephesians 2:8-9 we find, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

Romans 11:6 “But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.”

And from John 1:16, “For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”

It is clear that God’s grace is feely given to us, not based on who we are or what we have done to earn it. Grace is a gift freely given from God’s love and compassion. We are divinely loved exactly as we are. We do not have to work to be better to receive grace. Gifts are given out of love for someone and God’s grace is no exception. God’s grace is a gift freely given from the love God has for It’s creation.

In the Old Testament we read, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 Even in ancient times there was an understanding of God’s grace given to God’s creation. As we draw close to God in prayer and meditation, we develop a close relationship with God and an awareness that God is closer than our breath, closer than our heartbeat. God’s comfort and grace is always only a breath or a heartbeat away.

When we are regularly meditating, receiving the grace of Divine guidance from within, our life is flowing as we follow the Divine inspiration we receive. We are guided to opportunities, right decisions, and our life flows. 2 Corinthians 9:8 says, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” The grace of Divine guidance brings our life into Divine right order.

There is another definition of grace, and that is the grace we give to others and others give to us. Oxford languages defines this as, “courteous goodwill.”

“Some common synonyms of grace are charity, clemency, leniency, and mercy. While all these words mean "a disposition to show kindness or compassion," grace implies a benign attitude and a willingness to grant favors or make concessions.”

(merriam-webster.com)

An example of this might be when we have promised to do something for someone and then we are busy and we forget. When the other person responds in a kind voice with “It’s okay.” and is not angry with us, this is grace. Don’t we feel so relieved when this is the response? We feel so bad that we forgot and maybe there is no way to make amends. A loving, kind and forgiving response feels so good.

Grace can be a gentle response to a child who has broken something unintentionally. Even if the broken item is something we value, grace is a soft, “It’s okay. I know it was an accident. I love you.” Just as God’s grace is affirming, so our grace to a fellow being can be affirming of our unconditional love for them and their true value as a Divine expression of God.

We can extend our grace to others by extending our forgiveness, letting go of grudges, showing kindness and compassion, being patient, speaking kindly and gently, doing something nice for another person, and showing gratitude to others.

GRACE is also an acronym representing five attributes:

G is for generosity, the will to do something more for others.

R is respect, the dignity of life and work.

A is action, the mechanism for change.

C is compassion, the concern for others.

E is energy, the spirit that catalyzes us.

I like that. It’s from smartbrief.com.

The third kind of grace is our grace toward ourself. This is the hardest one for so many of us, but it is so important. Many of us are very hard on ourselves. We judge ourselves harshly and have unrealistic expectations of ourselves. We treat ourselves in ways that we would hopefully never treat someone else. We expect perfection from ourselves and then mentally beat ourselves up when we fall short of our idea of perfection.

A lot of this comes from our culture. If you pay attention to the commercials on TV, what is the message they are giving about expectations? You should look beautiful according to an artificial standard. Use the right makeup to look beautiful because you are not beautiful the way you are. Use the right shampoo to make your hair beautiful. Wear the right perfume or cologne to smell sexy. Use the right deodorant, both on your underarms and in your private places so you will not smell offensive. And so on and so on! The message is, “Be perfect all of the time.”

An article by Dr. Gregory Jantz calls perfectionism “the grace thief.” He says, “Perfectionism involves setting unrealistically high standards and then defining one’s worth based on meeting those standards. It’s a mindset that’s become increasingly common—and increasingly problematic.”

“A landmark study published in Psychological Bulletin analyzed data from over 40,000 college students from 1989 to 2016 and found that perfectionism has increased significantly. The average college student in 2016 reported higher levels of perfectionism than 65% of students in the late 1980s.”

Dr Jantz reports that, “Research has linked perfectionism and achievement orientation to chronically elevated stress hormones.” This can lead to “compromised immune function, cardiovascular issues, sleep disturbances, and increased risk of burnout.” (www.aplaceofhope.com)

How do you know if you are in need of more of your own grace?

Ask yourself:

Do I criticize myself when I make a mistake? Can I let go of my self-criticism or do I continue to criticize myself?

Do I have difficulty accepting compliments?

Do I feel like I am not good enough?

Do I feel like others are better than I am?

Do I procrastinate due to expectation of perfection?

Do I have difficulty asking for help?

Do I have any strained relationships due to high expectations?

Do I see other people’s mistakes as acceptable and forgivable, but not my own mistakes?

Does self-care always come last for me?

From Integris Health, here are some “practical, everyday ways to give yourself some grace.”

“Practice not being perfect. Perfection is not something we can actually be or achieve. It’s an illusion, a legend, a myth. Perfectionism can be a big obstacle to happiness. Plus, as author and wise woman Brené Brown puts it, “…the truth is that we are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth. We love authenticity and we know that life is messy and imperfect.”

“Gratitude. Practice it. There are lots of ways to focus more on gratitude and less on what’s going wrong. Instead of making a nonstop mental to-do list, pause and take stock of the things you have already accomplished, things that are going well or things that went a bit better than you expected them to.”

“Self-compassion. Inevitably we are harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else, or than anyone else is on us. Go figure. We practice self-compassion when we acknowledge that we are human. Humans are fallible. We’re flawed. We make mistakes. Try treating yourself like you’d treat your very best friend.”

“Stop scrolling. It’s harder to be easier on ourselves if we are constantly bombarded with images of people with ‘perfect’ lives on social media. We all know what we see on Instagram is not real life, but somehow that doesn’t take the little sting of envy or comparison away. The only way to really get social media out of your head is to put down the phone.”

“Let it go. Holding onto anger, jealousy or bitterness doesn’t help anyone. When we let things go – or forgive – we are better able to move on. Carrying anger or bitterness around with us is a burden. This doesn’t mean whatever you’re holding onto wasn’t painful or wrong, it just means that you’re not going to continue to hurt yourself with a memory.”

“Apologize. When you do something wrong or hurt someone’s feelings, take responsibility for your actions and apologize genuinely – with no ‘buts’ or caveats. Doing so will enable everyone to move forward, especially you.”

“Have a sense of humor. If you can laugh at a situation or event instead of crying, do it. Lots of times we take little things too seriously. Plus, laughter is really good for us! It’s proven to activate and relieve your stress response, ease tension, stimulate your heart and lungs, release endorphins and ease pain. From the Mayo Clinic: Find a way to laugh about your own situations and watch your stress begin to fade away. Even if it feels forced at first, practice laughing. It does your body good.”

“Silence negative self-talk. Negative self-talk is an internal dialogue (or monologue) that distorts reality, sabotages success, limits personal growth and adds unnecessary stress to life. It’s a tough nut to crack, though, especially if it’s become a habit. Try this: start monitoring your inner voice for negative or unkind thoughts (about yourself)… When you catch yourself saying these things, replace them with more supportive responses…”

“Let yourself off the hook. Letting someone off the hook means allowing their crime or transgression go unpunished. We can do it for others and we can do it for ourselves. Did you forget the pasta sauce at the store? Is dinner truly ruined, or is that ‘crime’ something your can allow to go unpunished? Toss that pasta in olive oil and relax!” (integrishealth.org)

Remember that Christ Jesus told us we are to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22) and that applies to forgiving ourselves for our mistakes as well as forgiving others for their mistakes. Forgive yourself, and if you take it back and begin beating yourself up inside, forgive yourself again and let it go.

My beloved Rev Mark was really good at laughing at himself. He took himself lightly. His motto was “positive thinking = positive results.” He didn’t allow himself to get down in the dumps if things didn’t turn out like he wanted. He even practiced laughter therapy where you just start laughing for no reason. The body does not know the difference between laughter for a reason, like viewing something funny, and laughter just to be laughing. So you get the same physical benefits from just laughing for no reason. But Rev Mark always had lots of things to laugh about. He would think about something that had happened in the past and just burst out laughing. You couldn’t help laughing along with him because his laughter was so contagious! Just like the way a baby will start laughing observing someone else laughing, Rev Mark was always ready for a good laugh! That was his grace for himself. And everyone always enjoyed being around him due to his light, kind and positive nature.

I invite you to participate in an imagination exercise with me now. Get comfortable and close your eyes. Put your hand on your heart, one hand or both hands. In your imagination, see yourself as you were as a baby, a pure soul. You are pure and innocent. You are loved just as you are. Open your heart and send love to yourself as that pure, innocent baby. Tell yourself, “You are a beautiful soul… You are loved… You are valued… You are worthy of God’s grace… You are worthy of your own grace… Nothing you will ever do in this life will make you unworthy of grace… You are perfect whole and complete in God… I love you unconditionally, just as you are…”

Now picture yourself as an elementary school child. Send love to yourself as that elementary school child. Tell your elementary school self, “You are a beautiful soul… You are loved… You are valued… You are worthy of God’s grace… You are worthy of your own grace… Nothing you will ever do in this life will make you unworthy of grace… You are perfect whole and complete in God… I love you unconditionally, just as you are…”

Now picture yourself as you were in high school. Send love to yourself as that high school teen. Tell your high school self, “You are a beautiful soul… You are loved… You are valued… You are worthy of God’s grace… You are worthy of your own grace… Nothing you will ever do in this life will make you unworthy of grace… You are perfect whole and complete in God… I love you unconditionally, just as you are…”

Now come to your present self with love. Tell your present self, “You are a beautiful soul… You are loved… You are valued… You are worthy of God’s grace… You are worthy of your own grace… Nothing you have ever done in this life has made you unworthy of grace… Nothing you will ever do in this life will make you unworthy of grace… You are perfect whole and complete in God… I love you unconditionally, just as you are…”

Now wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a big hug.

How does that feel?

It is so important to love yourself. We cannot truly love others when we do not love ourself. Christ Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31

Love your neighbor as yourself. That means you have to love yourself. Love yourself first, and love yourself well. Then you will be able to love others well. Treat yourself kindly. Give yourself healthy food. Give yourself enough rest. Don’t give yourself away to others so much that you don’t have enough energy to care for yourself. Give yourself time to do things you love that nurture you. Love God. Be good to yourself. Then be good to others.

I will end with the beautiful blessing of God’s grace, “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26)